Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
