LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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