I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
