I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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