did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
