After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
