i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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