yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize