Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
