can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish I only lived at night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
