All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Actions speak louder than pants.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
