Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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