then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
