I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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