Your dad touched me again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
