We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
