no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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