i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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