He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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