Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
