Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
