I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
