so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
