before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize