I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
