i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
