even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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