he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
