Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
