took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
