I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
