youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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