i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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