Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
