it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize