time to smoke my breakfast
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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