The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
