Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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