Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
