i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
