This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
