I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have aggressive nipples.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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