this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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