Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
