Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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