I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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