he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
