I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
