I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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