Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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