Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
