Plan B is the new Plan A
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
