we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
