he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
