You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
