You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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