left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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