Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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