im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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