So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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