I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
