Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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