The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
