She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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