oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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