your parents love me but you hate me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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