I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize