i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
