Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
