is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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