But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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