i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
