When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this will be a night to untag.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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