I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
