im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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