shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
