At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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