That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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