Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
