just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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