Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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