We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize