the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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