I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
