What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
