No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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