Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
