My sheets look like a crime scene.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
