i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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