I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
