You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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