i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
