Please, let me fuck your mom
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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