so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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